Most people panic when things are overflowing (I'm most people).
Why is it overflowing? How can I stop it? Can it be fixed? Is it broken? Is it supposed to be like this?
Most often I find my emotions overflowing. And it is overwhelming.
Like when I am happy - I literally cannot stop laughing or telling jokes or stoked for whatever reason - and sometimes nothing ; hahahah. (<-- here we go again ).
Or when I am angry and annoyed and frustrated -- most often all those emotions feel the same.
This last summer I was at Malibu, Young Life camp for a whole month. And the whole month I felt soooo overwhelmed.
For what reasons? I have only felt overwhelmed when I was frustrated -- or in stressful situations. I was a workcrew boss and serving alongside some the coolest people. I laughed, cried, napped (.....worked). Living at camp for a month -- with mountains and ocean and so many trees (all of what Bethel doesn't have). What a dream. And so real.
But this situation wasn't so much stressful. Why was I overwhelmed? I spent a whole month trying to figure this out. And asking myself why does my heart feel so heavy. It kind of felt like oh my gosh this cookie is so good but I'm so full -- but I want more.
It was love. And it was so tender. So full. So overwhelming. So overflowing. God was so present that month. And it was overwhelming. My heart was so heavy, so content, so overwhelming... And I wanted more. I want so much more of you God.
All from one yes. Yes to living at camp and meeting the raddest people who love Jesus and love serving and love camping. Easiest yes I've said yes to. But what came after that summer was..... being called to move back to Bethel to be on Younglife staff.
Hesitant. And again - overwhelming. And so much of me wanted to say no. Bethel was my top 5 favorite places and was still somehow ranked number 50 on places I'd want to live in. And it all tied to alcoholism. I always grew up having negative perspectives of Bethel and the big one was alcohol abuse. Alcohol broke families, murdered people, sexually abused the innocent - and I did not want to be a part of that brokeness. Bethel made me feel emotionally desensitized and isolated.
But I loved Younglife, Jesus, and my family who lives in Bethel - so I said "suuuuuuuuure" with a negative 10 amount of excitement. But holy moly -- the best not enthusiastic suuuuuure I've ever said yes to! In all this yes - I loved Bethel more. I loved the people more. I loved the school more. And I am still looking for more. I felt all the more less isolated because Jesus was pouring into me with people who made me laugh til I cried and loved me so well.
Jesus is with His crew after feeding 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish - He tells them to get in the boat, go on I'll catch up shortly. So they leave into the ocean and Jesus is being the rad dude He is and praying on top of a mountain. Long into the night - He catches up to the dudes, not with a boat, or kayak, but walking on water. The guys are like "whoa whoa whoa what's on the water". Peter's like "okay okay, Jesus? if it is you let me come" and Jesus is like "lol Peter, come". and Peter is out of the boat walking towards Jesus and is like "wowowowow this is rad" and realizes it's so windy and so wavy and freaks out and is like "omg this is insane" and falls in cries for Jesus' help - and Jesus pulls him out! And says "Peter!! you of little faith" Matthew 14:22-36
Holy moly I can only imagine all the emotions. Like the best I can do with water is drink water. I can only pray I have as much courage as Peter.
Saying yes to Jesus is rad, adventurous, fulfilling, and so good. Are you going to say yes to Jesus' invitation? Here's to more yes's and overwhelmingly overflowing hearts.
Stay rad, Bethel. Love ya with my whole heart.
